Truth

sacred, conspiratorial, biblical, iconoclastic

I. Sacred Truth

Truth is a sacred word. Truth is my top value. Truth guided me to pull something like 30-50 all-nighters in 2020-2021, diving down rabbit holes and becoming disillusioned with the institutions of modern society. I resolved in June 2021 to move away from imminent smart cities and toward nature, away from mind viruses and toward my heart, away from an infantilized population accepting lockdowns and toward a community valuing human sovereignty. Truth was my guide, and Truth was why I changed my life. Thank God (Truth) I changed my life.

II. Conspiratorial Truth

Godly absolute Truth is different from the relative worldly truth of words, but I’ve found that the path toward the former entails a refinement of the latter — not necessarily via more relatively true words, but via a dismantling of our relative lies. Before my dismantling I believed so many lies, and I was so estranged from God and Spirit. I believed that governments actually run countries. I realized that mainstream media was corrupt, but I believed at least implicitly that institutions like the central banks, UN, WHO, NIH and CDC were basically trustworthy. I didn’t know about Bohemian Grove, the Bilderberg Group, MKUltra, Project Mockingbird or the Wuhan Institute of Virology from which Covid originated. I’d never heard of EcoHealth and its NIH grants funding the gain-of-function research that created Covid at said institute of virology. Nonetheless, I’d heard enough from Spirit around Lake Atitlán, Guatemala by February 15, 2020 to know that, as I say at the 9:18 mark in this video, it’s a crazy time.

I didn’t know the flavor of crazy this time would take on, nor did I anticipate the painfully disillusioning years ahead of me, but I tapped into their broad strokes and connected with who I really am.

I’m a truth-seeker and a truth-speaker. I’m into discovering what’s true and telling true stories.

All humans are inherently into telling stories — abstracting meaning from an intrinsically meaningless Reality. It’s our stories that set us apart from all other animals, enabling us to form abstracted worlds like “civilization.” Agreeing upon shared stories is literally the essence of how we bond. The truth of our stories, however, isn’t essential to how we bond. Entire societies bonded over the media’s story that the naturally-occurring virus Covid-19 emerged from a wet market, and that its 0.3% fatality rate warranted masking, social distancing and lockdowns. The CIA (adopter of post-WWII Nazi scientists, perpetrator of MKUltra, Project Mockingbird and God knows what else) now hilariously pivots to the truth that Covid came from a lab, only four and a half years after those of us who actually thought for ourselves during the plandemic. I’m curious what other corrupt actors will come around to the truth as awakening humans disabuse themselves of psy-ops and lies.

I have to thank Ayahuasca for disabusing me earlier than I would have been able to disabuse myself. Experiencing and recontextualizing death allowed me to see that the true virus of the Covid era was a mind-virus of nonsensical fear. I still wore a mask for a month or two and I still required those 30-50 all-nighters to see, but in the life trajectory of Spencer-turned-Reiman, Ayahuasca was the difference between seeing and not seeing. I had no idea how blind I was prior to 2020.

I focus on the lies of the Covid era because those were the lies from which I shook myself awake, but they were far from the beginning of societies bonding over untrue stories. Shit if I know where the lies began or how deep they go. Did the CIA create the term “conspiracy theory” to preemptively discredit anyone asking naughty questions? Were the September 11 attacks an inside job intended to make us feel okay with the TSA’s inhumane control, the government’s spying and the military-industrial complex’s expansion? Does an evil cabal harvest newborn babies for their adrenochrome? Is the earth flat? In order, I’d answer those four questions: “probably,” “very possibly,” “probs not” and “definitely not.” Discernment becomes critical in a world build upon stories both true and untrue. Lunacy like “flat earth” is even loonier than loons insisting the moon is an alien bunker of mind-control, and that level of lunacy mars more reasonable theories about conspiracy that’s actually happening. Conspiracy, by definition, is just two or more people getting together and making a plan. It very obviously happens, and it happens all the time. Yet in a world of flat earthers and Alex Joneses, we throw the baby — realizing tap water actually is toxic and feminizing — out with the bathwater of “they’re ‘adrenochroming’ all aborted babies!” It all winds up sounding like an unhinged rant about turning the frogs gay.

In my observation Alex Jones actually calls out a tremendous amount of truth. I thought nothing of him, having mentally categorized him as a lunatic, until a friend told me how his career took off — by sneaking into a Bohemian Grove gathering and filming its elites performing a ritual in front of a giant flaming owl god. True story. The same friend told me about how Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself as the media reported, and grew from my first friend peering past an edge of the matrix to my shadow podcast co-host and my main tether back to the matrix. He kept working at my former company in Chicago as I kept up with the Joneses, though after a couple years staring into the abyss, I stopped keeping up too closely. Alex Jones tells truths, but he fixates on negativity to such a degree that I suspect he could be controlled, meant to lull the semi-awake into a worldview of doom. I suspect Joe Rogan and the gang currently on top of U.S. culture could be similarly false friends, even if unconsciously. I no longer take truth-telling as a surefire sign of trustworthiness; more important to me than what someone says is why they’re saying it.

Speaking of… why am I writing this conspiratorial stream-of-consciousness at an only slightly less ungodly hour than last week’s writing, which was only slightly more unhinged?

Buckle up. From a bedrock of modern conspiracy and plant medicine, the writing muse now guides me back in time toward the ancient. We’re about to get Biblical.

III. Biblical Truth

Recently my passion for truth-seeking was reignited. A fortnight ago, during my last journey with Ayahuasca, I found myself reflecting on alien energies that I’ve heard referred to as the Anunnaki of ancient Sumer or as the Elohim of conscious rap lyrics.

The facts mean this is a vaccine and the game need me to survive

The Elohim, the rebirth

Before you get to the Father, you gotta holla at me first, bitch

— Kendrick Lamar, family ties

“The Father” implies a Christian belief in the Holy Trinity, but what the hell does Kendrick mean by “Elohim?” I haven’t known the murderer of the late Drake to be Jewish, but AI has known:

In the context of the Hebrew Bible, Elohim is a plural form of the word "Eloah" and is used to denote God, particularly the God of Israel. Despite its grammatical plurality, it is often used with singular verbs and pronouns, emphasizing the singular deity.

— AI, which I still think might be the antichrist

I’ve understood Elohim to be the most common word, aside from Yahweh, for God in the Old Testament. Yet the plurality of elohim suggests a pantheon of “gods.” To be honest, the constant references in the Hebrew Bible, Christian Bible, Bhagavad Gita and most religious texts to celestial or etheric beings sound a lot like attempts to describe aliens. Aliens like the anunnaki or elohim surely would have seemed god-like to humans thousands of years ago, especially if they genetically engineered us (a theory referenced in the anunnaki JRE clip with Billy Carson linked above), enslaved us (the theory of Michael Tellinger’s book and conspiracy theorists abound) or guided us to build structures like the pyramids. Ancient religious texts seem to have been making sense of encounters with all kinds of beings possessing higher-than-human intelligence, but how can the word elohim refer to such beings while also referring to the singular Biblical God?

Hebrew Bible and Semitic Studies Ph.D. Michael S. Heiser concludes in his analysis of this apparent contradiction, as it arises in Psalm 82 (particularly Psalm 82:1), that elohim doesn’t refer to a set of attributes, like the attributes of Yahweh. Rather, elohim refers a place of inhabitance — the spiritual world. So Yahweh is elohim, residing in the spiritual realms, but no elohim other than Yahweh is God. And, according to Deuteronomy 32:17, “They [the Israelites] sacrificed to demons [shedim], not God [eloah], to gods [elohim] whom they had not known.” Heiser writes:

The verse explicitly calls the elohim that the Israelites perversely worshiped demons (shedim). This rarely used term (Deut. 32:17; Psa. 106:37) comes from the Akkadian shedu. In the ancient Near East, the term shedu was neutral; it could speak of a good or malevolent spirit being.

These Akkadian figures were often cast as guardians or protective entities, though the term was also used to describe the life force of a person. In the context of Deuteronomy 32:17, shedim were elohim—spirit beings guarding foreign territory—who must not be worshiped.

…

Scholars of Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians know that in the apostle’s warning to not fellowship with demons (1 Cor. 10:20); Paul’s comments follow the history of the Israelites described in Deuteronomy 32. He warns believers against fellowship with demons on the basis of Israel’s failure in worshiping other gods. Paul uses the word daimonion, one of the words used frequently in the New Testament for evil spiritual beings, to translate shedim in Deuteronomy 32:17. Paul knew his Hebrew Bible and didn’t deny the reality of the shedim, who are elohim.

Now it’s 3:14am. The hour became far more ungodly than it was — more ungodly even than my timing starting last week’s writing — as I gave myself this poor man’s course in Biblical Studies. I still can’t tell if Kendrick’s “Elohim” are ungodly, but it sounds like the shedim elohim were ungodly, certainly many elohim (inhabitants of the spirit world) are ungodly and certainly the behavior of modern-day Israel (the institution, not the people) is ungodly. So… do we blame the aliens? Were the shedim elohim the anunnaki? Does a visceral Christian reaction explain the anti-semitism at the root of so many conspiracy theories (e.g. adrenochrome harvesting as “blood libel”)? Upon the truths of the Covid era coming to light, is America about to undergo a resurgence in evangelical Christianity?

Writing this exploration of truth has generated more questions than answers. As I prepare to hibernate and then finish my mess of words tomorrow (today), I sit with a headache and a sense that my ways of pursuing truth need to change.

Goodnight. ~

IV. Iconoclastic Truth

Good Friday.

I got home just past 5am this morning, crashed immediately, slept until 10:20am and then immediately returned to the office to finish writing. The change in my ways I’m called to make is about transforming from this type of legend into the opposite legendary archetype:

Between writing and “researching” as I did lastnight, Ayahuasca ceremony nights, the disillusioning nights of 2020-2021, meditation retreat insomnia and so many nights in college, I’ve spent about half a year of my life pulling inspired all-nighters. I became a normal diurnal human while working my straight job in Chicago, but come to think of it, when that “straight job” asked me to trade options on the Japanese Nikkei index, I spent another half-year working 12-8am and struggling to sleep during the days. The inspired nights combine with my time trading options to give me a whole year of experience existing as a nocturnal creature.

Come to think of it further, my last few months at that job were when I gave up on finicking with blackout curtains and began using cannabis routinely. I’d walk from the office to home, pitying the droves of automatons rushing from home to office, I’d eat an edible and I’d ride my 9am sandwiches and One-Punch Man episodes to a peaceful, iconoclastic slumber. I’d wake up around 11pm, return to the skeleton crew of traders on the night’s watch and do it all again. Weekends were brutal, because my girlfriend at the time wanted me to act like a boyfriend and I was quickly losing interest in societying. Despite the depressing shadows of dying romanticism, getting into the show Black Mirror, undergoing a meditative “dark night of the soul” and detaching from society while attaching to a plant, however, I now look back on the time fondly.

Connecting with a skeleton crew in an empty office rather than surviving trading desks bustling with bravado allowed me to finally relate to my peers with some depth, and to forge a friendship like the one I developed with the co-host of my shadow podcast. We talked all things — philosophy, who could sprint around the office the fastest, spiritual esoterica, masculinity. My identity as a man started feeling less constrained by the pressure to shout “$14.40 BID! $14.50 BID!! BUY 300!!!” and more defined by… me. The masculine is the ego, after all, and is therefore definitionally whatever any individual wants it to be. After twenty-five years it began dawning on me that who I was as a man couldn’t be determined by a society, a boss, a woman, anything or anyone or any belief system other than the belief of Self.

I was free. I was free to buy and sell Chicago real estate for passive income, quit my job (which I soon did), travel to Nepal to meditate, travel to Guatemala to have an ego death, change my life, move to Ecuador and be Reiman.

Who is Reiman? Does he go to bed at 5am or wake up at 5am? Does he pursue the plant medicine path as far as possible or does he worship a morning routine? Does he actually want to change?

Yes and No. He’s everything and nothing. He doesn’t need to be, and perhaps can’t be, defined.

Damnit. I just broke glass and spilled the Rapé medicine I’ve been overusing all over the floor. Might not have happened had I slept more…

Anyway, I just did more Rapé and I’m ready to close this — yet another unhinged post.

Our essences never change, and everything else about us is nothing but change. Something deep inside me loves inspired all-nighters. I don’t really care if it means dying a couple years sooner, because death is awesome and being Reiman gets old.

I want to grow into disciplined routines and bring order to my days, and I want to remain always willing to be awake when I’m called to be awake. A part of me — Spirit — neither sleeps nor requires sleep. The other part of me — my humanity — is called to sleep more and to refine the way in which I pursue truth.

The pursuit of conspiranoid truth was survival-based, catalyzing the change in my life. The pursuit of Biblical truth is inspired, but leads to more questions than answers. The problem with exploring truth as I’ve done so far — sleuthing through the internet and writing words that track with my stream of consciousness — is that it leaves many of my beliefs ambiguous. I’ve written many words here that I neither believe nor disbelieve, and I now want to reify my conspiratorial and Biblical beliefs explicitly.

Cursory exploration of truth, like this post, won’t cut it anymore. I’ve heard, read and absorbed countless fragments of truth so far, but now I want to bring the truths into the order of rigorous logic.

Logic and the ideology of rational discernment can only ever aim at truth with a lower-case t, but hey, pursuing truth is my Truth. Words can never ultimately touch Sacred Truth, but I live to wield them and to try. Language itself is a distortion of perceiving Reality Truly, and maybe one day I’ll live to be iconoclastic enough to take a vow of silence, but not today. Today I post my under-slept striving for truth, and next week I’ll post a better-slept expression of what I see as true. Next week’s post will set up the video we’ll release the week after next, in which I’ll talk with our music producer Zaye about conspiracies far and wide, yet also deep and logical.

Beyond the topics I’ve sleuthed through today, what would you like us to explore?

I don’t totally care, since my iconoclastic pursuit of truth is for its own sake, but I do care, of course. I want to serve Reiman’s mind discovering truth, but Light & Shadows exists because I want to serve you.

Light & Shadows is Light & Shadows, rather than Lights & Shadows, because I believe it’s inspired by the Light of a singular God, or Dao, or Christ Consciousness or what have you. Every part of this, from me to our team to you, is essential to that Light. So, lights of the one Light, what will it be?